True Love Way
by ElizaDee
Summary: If Edward held her heart, Jacob had her soul.  The way to true love is complicated and so very human, as Jake and Bella are soon to find out.
1. Chapter 1

True Love Way  
Chapter One: Heartbreak

_Setup: My story picks up right after Bella decides to break Jacob's freaking heart along with the rest of his freaking body in Eclipse._

At first, Bella Swan just concentrates on walking, ignoring Billy's hard eyes as she uses the wall to support herself. She breathes in deep, fighting tears, trying to forget the agony she put inside her best friend's eyes. Only, she knew Jacob was lost, her best friend was gone. Gone because they fell in love somewhere along the way. His bitter sadness leaves her dizzy.

She fights the urge to turn back, take all her hurtful words and renege. Tell him that she didn't have to get married right away, tell him that maybe, just maybe they could fight their way back to the way they were before, before the wolf and the love and the pushing that drove her insane.

Billy calls to her as she throws herself out the house. Of course she stumbles and hits the ground, scratching up her palms. The pain isn't nearly enough to distract from the aching in heart, so that's why the sob that breaks free surprises her.

And once the dam burst its impossible to stop. So she rushes to her truck and slams the door shut, starting up old faithful and taking comfort in its familiar roar. But it was the car that Jacob fixed, the same Jacob that was broken and bleeding in the little red house beside her. Everything reminds her of him, everything seems imbued with his touch.

Her mind is an impossible place to be in now she knows she loves him. She loves him, she was IN love with him, and she was going to marry someone else. Someone that was her heart, body, and soul. And briefly she wonders, if Edward was her everything what did that make Jacob.

"Bella?" she jumps, wiping her eyes to look down at Billy Black. She never fails to be amazed by the depth of wisdom and understanding he holds in a single gaze.

"I'm leaving," she croaks out.

"I can't let you drive home like that honey." He pulls open the car door with little effort.

_Jacob calls me honey._ And she always hated it before. Now she knew why, it was too intimate, too sweet. She hates it because she loves it. The next wave of hysterics was stifled as she nods her consent, realizing she couldn't see anyway.

Billy takes her hand in his and rolls back enough for her to step out. Her legs feel too soft to hold her up, but she manages. Billy's hands were rough, and warm like his son's.

She realizes then that she couldn't go back into that house. She plants her feet and shakes her head and tries to pull away.

"I can't," she whispers. Billy doesn't let her go, his grip surprisingly strong.

"You'll both get through it," and he tugs. The only other option Bella has is to yank away and tear out of La Push as fast as her truck can go. But she figures in her current state she'd probably mow down little children or hit a tree, so she obliges.

Billy leaves her in the doorway where she tries to pull herself together. He rolls himself into the kitchen, preparing tea. He hopes to soothe her. Billy was only nice because she was his bestfriend's daughter, and 18 years ago he used to change her diapers. She had recently become the bitch that broke his baby boy's heart. And if it wasn't for Charlie or 18 years of history, he'd shoot her and use the remains for bait on the weekend.

But before he can speak, or grow any angrier, a crash shocks him and Bella both. Another follows, and then another, until the banging drowns out the television. Bella is moving in an instant, rushing to the source. Jacob's door is now closed, and when she tries the knob she finds it locked. A string of curse words come from inside; creative, vulgar words that cause her to blush.

But it was the tone that dug under her flesh, unsettling her.

"Jake?" she whispers. The crashing turns into thumping, the thumping only barely hiding the broken sob that spears her in two.

She wiggles the lock. At Bella's house, the little metal keys were hidden on top of the door. It was the same at the Blacks. One turn and click and she steps in. The bed stops some of her progress, overturned with the headboard cracked. A random trophy sticks out of the furthest wall, and the tiny window is broken. The rest of the room is in shambles.

And Bella's eyes trail to the corner, where a giant teenage wolf crouches curled into himself, his bandages stained with his own blood, body twitching. Fist sized holes gape beside his head, his right hand rapidly healing from new bruises and cuts.

She steps backward but Billy's hand stops her. He surveys the room with an expression of deep understanding and deeper pain. She can't stand to look at him and see the accusation there in his eyes. He pushes her kindly into the room.

Unable to flee, Bella sucks up the guilt and tries to be for him what he always was for her.

"Oh Jake," she whispers brokenly, wading through the carnage. The room was tiny but they feel separated by miles and miles.

He doesn't turn to her but his whole body stiffens.

"No Bella, just close the door," and he hides his face even further into the wall. He tore his stitches she realizes as the dark red stains became more prominent. He'd been crushed by more than a vampire, and they both knew it.

She maneuvers over the bed and desk without suffering any major damage. She feels the tears well up again, refusing to fade as she cries for him. He faces her then, trying to push past his own hurt. Bella was an emotional masochist, and she didn't need any extra ammunition to fall apart.

"I'm so sorry," she bites out reaching to touch him. He ducks her, managing a half smile.

"Stop beating yourself up. I'm ok." He doesn't try to get up though, not wanting her to see what his front looks like after he ripped away the bandages. She just stares down on him, horrified.

"You're not ok," she reaches again but he bats her hand away.

"Come on Bella, get out. I'm bleeding and snotting all over the place and you don't need to see it," he chuckles and it sounds real enough for her to hope that maybe he wasn't as broken as she feared. Then her eyes met his and she realizes that was a fool's desire.

"What did I do to you?"

He grins and it scares her. It was a grin that didn't belong to her Jacob or the pack's Jacob. It was new. It belonged solely to what she left behind. He stands up, and she makes herself take in his injuries. Gashes, shallow bruising, places that bulged strangely because of the broken bones underneath.

The nausea hits her and before she knows it she's sitting on the edge of the overturned bed, her head forced between her legs, Jacob's overly warm hand rubbing circles into her back.

"You're always so ready to take the blame for everything," he admonishes softly. She nods.

"You look awful Jake." She feels him shrug.

"War wounds, they'll make a great story one day."

She manages a choked laugh, "Something to tell around the bonfire?"

"Sure, sure," she pulls away gently, eying the mess he made.

"Where are you going to sleep now you've broken the bed?" real humor enters his eyes.

"I wasn't thinking that far ahead, and I'm sure it just the headboard" she stands as he rights the bed with his good arm, wincing just as little. He kicks it back against the wall, ignoring the broken junk that he crushes and hides beneath it. Bella fetches the crumpled blankets and lays them over the sheets, saddened and angered by the awkwardness that now existed between them.

"I think I should have Carlisle fix you again," she whispers touching a particularly bad looking cut. His skin jumps beneath her fingers. He catches her hand and drops it at her side.

"Nah, that'll be gone by nightfall. Like I said, I can't feel it, doesn't stop-" he turns wary eyes on her.

"What I did," she finishes looking miserable, "I know."

They both sit on the bed, side by side. Her anxious hands fiddling with the bracelet he gave her, the only piece of jewelry she ever wore. Her fingers hold and caress the little wooden wolf carved there, the wolf that she always now saw as Jake.

He snorts. "He just had to add his big ass diamond didn't he?" he moves around her to lie back down, oblivious to the blood smears he's leaving.

Bella's eyes go wide as she stares at it. Looking at it from his eyes she is suddenly ashamed. She works at the clasp, desperate to remove it.

"Oh leave it," he gripes flinging his good arm over his eyes.

"Sorry," she whispers. He doesn't respond, his lips stretching into a tight line. He was back to shaking and Bella's heart breaks a little bit more. She scoots closer to him, resting her hand on his arm.

"What's a few more weeks?" she whispers mostly to herself. "We can do this Jake, we can find a way to make it hurt less," her mind works for a possible solution.

"No," his voice is suddenly stronger. "No, I need a clean break. I need to remember what you said and learn how to let you go before-" he swallows and looks up at her, that profound, heart wrenching sorrow back in his eyes, "before you kill me Bells." She flinches as his hand cups her cheek gently, his words stabbing through her. "Loving you," he whispers, "is the worst pain I've ever known."

Unable to stand the intensity, Bella jumps up, pacing quickly, "That's good right?" her voice isn't as convinced, "It'll be good for you, if it stops you from hurting," she bites her lip and looks at him, wondering how things would've been if she never, ever walked into his life.

He sighs, "It'll never stop hurting Bells. Did it stop hurting after your blo-, after Edward left?" her expression goes from shock to agony in a matter of seconds. Her hands shoot up to her mouth, her eyes shutting tightly.

"No it didn't. But it won't be like that for you will it?" his laugh is dark and piercing.

" Worse. Because I'll be left with all my cards on the table. All the feelings finally out. Knowing you love me, I thought it would make it better, make it bearable because you wouldn't be blind. But now my ego is as bruised as my heart," he smiles.

"If I could just better explain," Bella's pleading hurts him. He hates it hurts, hates she still dictates his emotions.

"You did it fine the first time," his tone is harsher than he intends. "I get it," he starts again delicately. "It's just," he looks at her and sees everything he loves and wants in life. His face softens, his eyes coming alive under the shadows he tries to hide them, "You're my Edward honey."

The silence that follows is deafening.

For the fifth time that day, Bella feels the tears well up again, feels them fall unchecked. Jacob turns his face toward the wall, fighting to get his own emotions in check as she gasps above him.

She wraps her arms around herself, something she hadn't felt the need to do in months. She clutches at her abdomen, trying to keep her insides from falling out.

"Stop crying," he mutters. She tries but fails, only managing to make herself cry harder. He pulls her to him then, ignoring his wounds as she curves perfectly beside him, choking.

"I was never any good with tears," he admits kissing her temple. Her skin burns where his lips press. She moves as close as she can, wishing to somehow merge into his body, merge and hurt for him.

"Who will be your Jacob," she sobs against his neck. Her grip on his arm is almost painful. "Who will put you back together?"

He watches her tears mingle with his blood, watches the pink drops slide down onto the sheets. "I don't know," he whispers. His arms wrap around her, where they've always wanted to be. "I don't know."

* * *

Yeah, I know I have no right starting another story but this idea wouldn't stop nagging me! So lo and behold its 3 in the morning and chapter 1 is born. I hope you like it, I've spent the last two hours listening to Meshell Nedegeocello and Natalie Merchant to get the mood right.

And if I moved you, just a little bit, review! ^_^ Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

True Love Way  
Chapter Two: Undeniable

* * *

Bella wakes with a headache and eyes that feel dry and bleary. She was warm, and content, but the sadness was not yet gone, her chest was tight with it.

Beneath her, Jacob's even breathing makes her rise bodily with each inhale. His arms are heavy against her back, holding her firmly to him even in sleep.

He looks like her Jacob again. Something about him sleeping triggers her urge to protect and love him. He was just a kid, but then again, so was she. And if the world was as he wished, she would be getting ready for college, and he would be hyped at the prospect of a summer fling.

And she wouldn't have Edward, she could love Jacob fully. But a world without Edward wasn't a world she wanted to fathom. It wasn't a world she could ever belong to.

She thinks, almost ruefully, that Edward wasn't a drug. He was the blood in her veins, the air in her lungs, the beat of her heart and the nourishment her soul required. Edward was everything. Jacob was the drug. He was the balm that soothed the jagged remains of her heart when she thought Edward was gone. He was the joy she lost, the freedom of spirit she could never find within herself. If Edward was the force that kept her alive, Jacob was the animation that separated the living from the dead.

But she had to leave him. She'd have to teach her future husband her best friend's line of work.

Lying with him was wrong in her eyes. Not because of Edward, but because being there was only too right, too perfect. It was only making matters worse. When she walked out the door she wouldn't come back. It would hurt, she would suffer, but she had Edward and she could leave anything and everything to keep him.

She pushes gently against Jacob's chest, keeping her hands on the parts of him that weren't physically broken.

"5 more minutes," he whispers tugging her closer. His face was all hard lines and bitter angles, replacing the boy with the beautiful but shattered man.

She ceases moving, breathing him in, remembering who he was before she destroyed him.

Exactly 300 seconds later his arms fall away, his eyes are red and unreadable in the fading daylight. Bella's hands slide down to his and pull his arms back across her.

"5 more minutes," she mumbles. She closes her eyes and feels his smile.

* * *

"Holy crap," Bella whispers. Someone turned on the fan, thankfully intact after Jacob's rampage, but she was still soaked in sweat.

She felt horrible. Between the tear induced headache and the heat, she felt somewhat like a baked potato.

And it was pitch black outside.

"Holy crap," she whispers again. Jacob had released her some time ago and they were tangled in a sweaty, fleshy, bloody mess of limbs.

He just grumbled as she rose and didn't wake up as she made her way to his door.

The clock in the kitchen glared 11:45 and Bella's stomach lurched.

"Holy crap!"

Bella notices Billy smiling at her, the tv on mute. "Calm down I already called Charlie," his voice is gentle. Bella figured his kindness was probably brought on by her overly pathetic appearance. She was sweaty and there were morbid patches of dry blood along her body and clothes. Some was in her hair and it clumped and matted in the most unflattering way.

She was also missing a shoe.

"I told him you were staying the night. Good thing too, I couldn't send you home looking like that," Bella smiles at his teasing tone, feeling a hint of normalcy.

"Thanks Billy," she sat in the armchair closest to him. She realizes suddenly she'd really, really miss La Push. The treaty wouldn't ever allow her on the reservation after she was a vampire. She wouldn't get to walk First Beach again, or sit beside Billy in the small but comfortable home she vaguely remembered from childhood. If Jacob ever wanted to see her again, he would hate how she smelled and she'd have to worry about hurting him when he pissed her off. Jacob really knew how to piss her off.

And Edward….

Edward.

"Holy crap!"

Billy chuckled beside her and handed her the cell phone Charlie bought for her. 14 missed calls, twice as many text messages. She groaned.

"I talked to him," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

"You did?" Bella could almost imagine how that conversation went. _Yeah, I'm Jake's father. Bella is curled up in bed with him now but I'll tell her you called._

"I was nice Bella," he patted her knee, "I told him you were still sorting things out. He's a good boy." Bella wanted to point out that Edward was older than him but dropped it. She stepped out into the warm night air, his number speed dialed in her phone.

"Hello!" he answered before the first ring finished.

The sound of his voice made everything in her relax and clench at the same time. "Hey," she whispered. She closes her eyes, seeing him clearly in all his ethereal beauty and splendor.

"Are you ok?" he was anxious and it makes her smile.

"As ok as I can be I guess."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Will you be there much longer," Bella's eyes flicker to her truck and she had the urge to jump into it and speed to the Cullens.

But she didn't want to be gone when Jacob woke up. It would probably be easier if she did, but she couldn't. There wasn't anything left to say, or do, but she wouldn't leave him just yet. She was too selfish, too naïve in her hope that maybe she could fix things.

"Billy told Charlie I was staying the night," she admitted softly.

"Good then we'll have all night, I can meet you at the treaty line."

Bella sucked in her bottom lip. It was so tempting.

"I'm staying here. I did a number on him Edward, the least I can do is stay as long as he lets me."

The other line was quiet for a moment, "You don't owe him anything Bella. He said it himself, he knew what he was doing."

"It doesn't make me less guilty."

"Bella I've been through his head. You barely did anything to warrant his feelings."

"Barely?" Bella snorted, remembering everything she ever said that could be interpreted the wrong way.

"If anything," she smiled.

"He's still hurting." Edward sighed into the phone. She heard Alice's tinkling voice and Edward's snapped response.

"Tell Alice hi for me," she whispered quickly. Alice's bell laugh greeted her, and she heard a muffled hi Bella. Alice and Edward argued for another second, talking too fast for Bella to pick up on their words.

"Hey I gotta go," she looked back at the inviting warmth of the Black house.

"Ok," Edward's disappointment was apparent.

"We've got forever, remember?" she teases. She kissed the phone softly, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Bella listened a second longer, reveling in the words before snapping the phone shut. Suddenly tired, she walked back inside. Billy didn't look her way and it dawned on her he probably heard her whole conversation. Heard her say forever and put two and two together.

"Um Billy," he waved his hand to silence her.

"Believe it or not I sort of understand." She stood there for a bit, shuffling awkwardly.

After a moment she returned to her seat, confident that Billy wouldn't try to parent her, tell her how bad vampires were and how stupid she was being.

"He'll be ok you know," he started.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, he's a lot like his mother. When he makes up his mind about something you can't get him to change it."

Bella feels a familiar pain she can't beat back. "I'm the same way," she whispers. For the first time since she got Edward back, she wishes she didn't have her heart set on him.

"Bella," he has his father's voice on, and Bella thinks she would've been better off driving away. "Can we be honest with each other?"

She swallows the lump in her throat, half irritation, half dread.

"Of course." Billy stared hard into her, weighing the honesty of her response.

"He's loved you since you were kids," he started trying to keep his voice level. He turned back to the silent tv, "It was kinda funny at first seeing you never looked his way. But I hoped he'd get over it when you first started to date Cullen but it got stronger. He had a few girlfriends, but it was never anything to him, nothing like you. And when Cullen broke you," she winces, "He put everything he could into putting you back together. I knew you were too far gone, warned him to let it go, but he just couldn't. It's not who he is."

Bella thinks Jacob should listen more to his father. Maybe they wouldn't be in the situation they were in now if he did.

She tells Billy she'll advise the boy they both love to mind him more. Billy tries not to smile.

"Sam says his head is hell to be inside."

Bella feels bone deep satisfaction mingled in with the pain. She hasn't managed to stop blaming Sam yet.

"He's so focused on you, he's….." he turned and looked Bella squarely in the eye.

"Has Jake told you about imprinting?" Bella thinks about Claire and Quil and shivers.

"Yes,"

"What did he tell you?"

Bella dredges up the conversation, telling him what she recalled. She remembers how it took Sam from Leah, how it turned Kim from being some girl Jared shared a class with to the center of his universe. She remembers the look on Quil's face as he watched Claire, the complete adoration, the whole, pure, all consuming love. She remembered Emily's ruined face and the intimacy between them it once pained her to watch.

"The suffering a wolf goes through when an imprint is lost or denied, it's unexplainable," and Bella nods, equating that pain to the emptiness she felt for six months without Edward.

"Jacob suffers in that inexplicable way."

The weight of the words crashed against her. Her heart skipped.

"He imprinted on me?" she squeaks unconsciously leaning closer to the door.

"No." the relief Bella feels is instant.

"Why then?"

"We don't know."

_You're my Edward honey._

It all makes sense now, the final puzzle piece. Billy studies her face, watching the flickering of raw emotion flying across her eyes. Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times as she tried to deal.

"Alright dad, chill," Jake's husky voice was worn and tired, "Stop, before you scare her."

Bella turned to him, seeing him with new eyes. He was a stranger now. Nothing remained of the bright sun that lit the gloomy halls of her depression.

He looks better with the gashes now fully closed. They leave behind angry, jagged white lines that would scar his perfect skin forever. The ugly parts were healed already, just like he promised.

What she did, the wounds beneath the flesh, muscle and bone would take so much longer.

Something in his face changed, something that should be barely perceptible, but for a second she found the boy she fell for. Her Jacob.

"You're supposed to be spending the night anyway, why don't you get some sleep," he suggested. His eyes turned to his dad, angry, "You too old man."

Billy smiled innocently back.

With a small nod Bella rose and hesitantly stepped toward him, trying not to squirm under his intense gaze.

"Bella you should sleep out here," Billy said firmly. But she shook her head, and Jake's lips turned just a tiny bit.

"Be easy. This is probably the last time I'll see her," he said it so lightly but Bella didn't miss the plea, the irritation or the sadness.

Bella didn't wait for an answer, slipping past Jake into his bedroom. He had straightened up just enough to make a path to the bed.

It never occurred to Bella she should feel anything but ease as she watched Jake close the door behind him. She wasn't embarrassed by his lack of clothes as he lied down, dragging her with him. For a second, both of them were granted peace. At that moment, both Bella and Jacob were exactly where they wanted to be.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, those words never enough to express her regret or alleviate the darkness closing in on him.

"Stop apologizing Bella, it's annoying." Bella reached down to pluck off her remaining shoe.

"Don't mope either. I hate it when you mope."

He sighs when she snuggles closer. "I like holding you," he whispers.

"I thought you were going cold turkey."

He chuckles against her hair, "One more hit won't kill me."

She pulls back slightly, "Jake that's morbid."

"Yeah well, you know what I'm talking about." His hand finds hers, weaving their fingers together. His hands were too big, and hers too small, but somehow, somehow they fit together perfectly. Both noticed, neither said anything.

They are silent for a stretch of time, each lost in their own thoughts. Bella wondered again about Jacob's future, about the girl he may or may not imprint upon. Despite her best efforts, each girl she imagines looks like her, each love's Jacob the way she loves Edward and not a tiny bit less.

"Why me?" she asks softly, just in case he had fallen asleep.

"You're the one Bells," he answers. It makes her heart swell and she kisses his shoulder for saying it.

"But why?"

He chuckles. "I always imagined my dream girl would be perfect," his voice is the voice she loved, the one she wants to remember forever.

And Bella has forever.

"She'd be tall, curvy, and really down to earth. And hot enough that all my friends would be jealous. She'd understand my stupid need to tinker and build things, and she'd probably know a thing or two about cars."

His chest rumbled with amusement, "Bella you're so short. You're too skinny and you're practically an albino."

"Hey," she smiled against his too warm body.

"You're a klutz, you're hopelessly clueless about yourself and sometimes the range of your emotions scares the shit out of me."

He kissed the top of her head affectionately.

"You're everything I didn't expect. You're not perfect and with _me _you don't even try to be. And I love that." His voice is heavy and husky with feeling.

The surge of emotion that Bella experiences are foreign. She sniffles and feels Jake incline his head to look down at her. She's sure he can see her clearly in the dark. Wolf vision and all.

"Tears again? Seriously?"

She nods, looking up, half wishing she could see as well.

And then she felt the impossible softness of his mouth against hers. Not hard, or gentle, just enough to set each nerve ablaze. And it shocks her, and thrills her, and the foreign emotions grow stronger. Her mind starts to scream about something she can't bring herself to care for. She kisses him back, hesitant, pushing herself closer to his face, his heat, his lips.

Her whole body is tingling when he pulls away. "What was that for?" she marvels.

"I just wanted you to stop crying," he chuckles good-naturedly. She slaps his chest, finally feeling her eyes adjust to the faint light coming in from the window.

There's a shirt stuffed in the hole he cracked in the glass.

Bella feels the tingling settle in her stomach. Jacob feels like he's overdosing, and he'll probably die any second.

And the world turns over when she kisses him again. And now she isn't the only one who feels the butterflies.

And there's a question on his tongue but Jacob can't acknowledge it. And Bella feels ashamed over how right it feels.

And when the tingling turns into heat, she doesn't pull away, and Jacob doesn't stop when he feels her tears.

And when she just has to breathe, fear grabs her, because absolutely nothing is holding her back. Her mind is screaming again, her heart has joined. But the guilt and the need to heal Jacob squash it. She wants more from him, for him. Selfish as it is, dark as it is, as dangerous as the situation can be, Bella swallows indecision and goes with her gut.

Jacob's eyes are the size of saucers when she pulls her shirt over her head. And when she kisses him again their pain explodes between them into something more.

"I'm sorry," she breathes into his mouth. "I'm sorry I can't give you more."

* * *

I know I switched between the present and past tense through the whole freaking chapter and I'm SORRY, I'm tired and I'll fix it soon enough.

For those following** Flirting with Forever**, sorry I'm taking so long to update. I'm stuck. As soon as I'm unstuck, you'll get as many chapters as I can crank out. Scouts honor.

And my reviewers kick total arse. ^_^ Thanks guys!

- Eliza


	3. Chapter 3

True Love Way  
Chapter 3: Cracks in the Pavement

* * *

Jacob Black drifted awake to the smell of breakfast. It surprised him, the last time he woke to breakfast he'd been 8 years old and it was his mother in the kitchen.

But before he could determine if he were dreaming or not, a wave of nauseating pain rolled through him. And then another and another, until his huge body curled in on itself. The morphine had worn off.

"Ugh!" Jacob tried to roll over but he couldn't. He could feel the excruciating healing process of bone fusing back together.

Fist clenched, he reached for his nightstand where a tiny vial of morphine was supposed to be. But the nightstand was somewhere crushed against the opposite wall.

And the bottle, he vaguely remembered, was somewhere outside his window, where he threw it the night before.

With a groan Jacob cursed making stupid, rash decisions.

And thinking about stupid decisions led his mind on a blissfully agonizing path. The memories of Bella's soft skin, her scent, her scorching kiss, and the desperate cries she smothered against his neck were still fresh; engraved in his mind. The agony of broken bones was pretty equal to the agony of loving Bella Swan. He focused himself into a numb state, twitching when one pain waned and the other tried to take over.

Billy's sharp rap distracted him long enough for his physical wounds to burn.

"Son?"

"I'm up," he managed to bite out.

Billy rolled inside. Jacob pulled his blanket up higher, trying to forget how it looked a few hours ago wrapped around Bella's creamy skin.

"You ok?" Billy's eyebrows shot up. Jacob gritted his teeth.

"Morphine," he groaned. Billy nodded and rolled to the kitchen where the other bottles were stashed. When he came back, needle in hand, he balanced a plate in his lap.

Bacon, eggs, and cinnamon toast. Jacob's heart clutched.

His mom used to make cinnamon toast. It was his favorite.

"Hold still," Billy murmured. Jacob didn't even wince as the needle slipped beneath his skin. The rushing numbness put out the fire in his limbs, but it made the emotional chaos blaze stronger.

Cinnamon toast. He wondered how she knew.

His father's eyes were sad as he sat the plate on Jacob's stomach.

"Eat. You need your strength."

Billy eyed the blood on the blanket, the tiny splatters against the wall and on the floor. It looked like a scene from a horror movie, except someone has mercilessly left Jacob Black still breathing.

And the blood pushed Jacob's mind back to Bella things. She'd been a virgin, her blood was somewhere on that blanket. He got to be her first. It was the most beautiful and insanely infuriating thing in the world. And he felt like maybe he should be offended, that she gave up her body when he wanted her heart.

But he couldn't. He hated it, but he understood.

And while he wanted to hope, pray it meant that he'd won, it was only confirmation of his loss. Sympathy sex. A consolation prize. Goodbye hidden inside her impossibly warm depths.

Jacob couldn't help but feel like a bad joke. All his life he had to deal with secondhand things. He had to create dreams that wouldn't be crushed by daily life on the rez. He had to watch loved ones die or run away. He had to deal with growing up young, taking care of his father when his sisters bailed. Then he had to find out ghost stories were real, that vampires went bump in the night and he was their sworn enemy.

Life was one fight after another. And good crap rarely happened to him in his opinion.

And when it did, Jacob felt he was awesome at creating ways to ruin it.

Bella was good. But Bella was gone when he opened his eyes.

Jacob sighs and pushes the food around on his plate. He suddenly wasn't all that hungry. And that was saying something.

Billy just sat there until Jacob took a bite. To Jake's chagrin everything tastes perfect. Not too salty or crunchy, nothing was burnt or undercooked and it made him irrationally mad. The toast was just like his mother used to make. Not too much cinnamon and a little bit of sugar.

The plate ended up following the first morphine bottle out the window.

"Let her go Jake," Billy touched his son's arm. Jacob looked down to see he was shaking. And then, to his surprise, he realized he was crying too.

He nodded to his father, as if to promise he'd make an effort. But it wasn't of any use. Bella Swan was as much a part of him as his heart. She _was_ his heart. To take her out of it would surely mean death.

* * *

"Hey kid," Charlie was in an unnaturally good mood. It made Bella feel that much worse as she shuffled into the house in Rachel's old clothes. She left her bloodied ones in the truck.

"Hey dad," she attempted to walk past him but he turned her to face him.

"Not this again," all the joy leaked out of his voice.

"What?" Bella couldn't put any infliction in her words. She was so tired.

"The zombie isn't coming back is it?" Bella looked up in her father's eyes, aware that he'd suffered too because of her.

"No," she patted his arm, "I'm just worn out. Too much excitement."

Charlie pulled his daughter into a hug, and she didn't know how much she needed one until she collapsed in his arms.

"Oh Isabella," he sighed. She sniffled but breathed her father in. Charlie smells like the lake all the time. No matter how much she washed his clothes, the lake clung to his skin.

She loved her dad. And she was going to miss him like crazy.

"Are you ok?" he asked as she pulled away wiping her eyes.

"Yeah," and she tried to make it sound convincing.

"Is Jake ok?" she winced at his name. She sucked her bottom lip in her mouth, trying to forget the perfect way Jacob touched her.

"When I leave," she whispered, "for college in August, can you check on him often?" Charlie swallowed the lump rising in his throat. He smoothed his hair down, and used the other hand to cup his daughter's face gently. He was a father, maybe not the best or most articulate, but he and his daughter were cut from the same cloth. He could read between the lines.

"When you leave," he choked down the fear that clawed its way to the surface, "I will look after him."

Bella nods and starts up the stairs. Starts toward her room, half afraid Edward was there waiting. She showered at the Blacks, but she just knew, she just knew he'd know.

And then he'd leave again. And with Jacob broken she wouldn't have anyone to bring her back when he left. The Volturi would make sure she'd be a vampire one day, but that future was empty and bleak without Edward there to make it bearable.

Bella is suddenly too scared to face whatever her bedroom held.

"Dad?" her eyes are glassy with fresh tears. "Can you tell me a story?"

Charlie smiles, he hadn't heard those words in almost ten years, not after Bella was too big for bedtime tales. Charlie sits down on the loveseat and pats the empty side. Bella drags her leaden feet and tries her best to be 8 again, when the only thing that mattered was loving the father she didn't know.

She turned to lay her head in his lap, closing her eyes when his hands smoothed her still damp hair down her back.

"Which one do you want to hear?" his fingers work through the tangles easily. Almost gracfully.

"Your choice."

He grunts softly, wondering where everything went wrong.

"The day you were born, perhaps?"

"Mmhm," his pants are damp now but he doesn't care. And he's going to be late for work, but it could wait.

"Your mother," he starts his voice teasing, "Was absolutely convinced you were a boy."

"She was going to name me Aiden," Bella smiles.

"Uh huh. But I knew you were a girl. Your mom was always a firecracker, but she was sweet as pie the entire time she was pregnant. I knew only a girl could have that kind of effect."

Bella's chuckles try to turn into sobs.

"When you were born, you were the tiniest thing. And when the doctor plopped you down in my arms I was scared, and happy, and way too young but so sure you were mine forever."

Bella swallows, wishing she cherished forever like her father did.

"And you didn't cry," Charlie's voice grew strained with emotion, "You just stared up at me kid, like you knew exactly who I was."

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I love Charlie. Anyways, your reviews are amazing, and I'm glad you guys are connecting with this.

There sorta is a "lemon" (why in the world do we call sex scenes lemons?) that goes between these chapters but there's enough (and way better) J/B sex on so I'm holding mine hostage for a bit. ^_^ Thanks again for reading.  



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